What is Spoon Theory?
Spoon theory explains invisible exhaustion in a way almost anyone can relate to. Read on to explore its origins and why it resonates so deeply with neurodivergent brains.
Existing in today's world can feel increasingly overwhelming, with exhaustion and fatigue seeming standard, even normalised. Technology floods us with instant access to global news of atrocities worldwide, whilst social media's addictiveness constantly invites comparison and a sense of inadequacy. Add to this the glorification of "hustle culture" (a lifestyle centred on extreme productivity) and there is little room left to switch off and reconnect with what we actually value.
In a landscape like this, it is little wonder that so many of us struggle to explain why we are always tired. Beyond simply physically fatigued, this tiredness transcends deeper into the fabric of our being, in a way that’s harder to articulate. It is not so much one single/obvious thing that exhausts us, but instead, it is an ongoing accumulation of smaller demands on our attention and energy. We may not register these demands as “effort”, until we notice a total depletion of our system. This is where spoon theory comes in: it is a simple yet powerful metaphor that gives language to this invisible exhaustion.
Where did Spoon Theory come from?
“Spoon Theory” was a term coined in 2003 by Christine Miserandino, a writer living with lupus. When trying to explain her illness to a friend over lunch, she reached for the spoons on a nearby table and started handing them out, one at a time, as she talked through a typical day.
The premise was simple: every task costs a spoon. Things like getting dressed, making breakfast, commuting to work, or even making seemingly small decisions, can deplete a spoonful of energy from our reserves for the day. Many people assume that we all start the day with the same number of spoons, and that it is ultimately our choice how we invest these spoons. The reality is, someone managing a chronic illness starts each day with a fixed, often small number. And once they’ve been used, there is no reserve tank to draw more from. Instead, we have to rest, or alternatively borrow from tomorrow and be forced to pay it back with interest, which could be a worsening of symptoms or even days of extreme exhaustion. A reason why this metaphor works so well is that it quantifies something that is usually invisible. That is, it explains fatigue in a way that is tangible.
Whilst Spoon Theory was created for the chronic illness community, its applications are broad and relatable in other diverse corners of life. For example, Spoon Theory can be used to describe the fatigue of new parenthood, where spoonfuls of energy are exhausted at a faster rate than they are replenished. Similarly, the brain fog following major life experiences like the loss of a loved one, relationship breakdown or workplace transitions, are well conceptualised by Spoon Theory. Regardless of the context, this feeling of being intensely drained of energy is one that is relatable and has been experienced by most. In particular, Spoon Theory becomes especially relevant in the neurodivergent experience, where low spoon counts can be the baseline every day.
Why Spoon Theory fits the neurodivergent experience so well
Autistic and ADHD brains often expend spoonfuls of energy on things that are functionally invisible to everyone else. This constitutes a key distinction from a typical low energy day. It’s less about the tasks being unusually hard, and more about the fact that so many of them come with extra costs attached.
Spoons are generally allotted to three main categories for neurodivergent folk:
Sensory processing: costs us spoons for simply existing in environments with overwhelming lighting, noise, textures and smells.
Masking: costs us spoons by forcing us into performing “typical” behaviour (e.g., eye contact), to fit into a social world that isn’t designed for our needs.
Executive functioning: costs us spoons every time a task needs starting/switching/organising, regardless of how easy it looks.
For example, consider something as seemingly ordinary as visiting the supermarket for groceries:
A neurotypical brain might invest one unit of effort in navigating the aisles, checking out and leaving. An autistic or ADHD brain may use up multiple spoons simultaneously on filtering fluorescent lights and overlapping conversations whilst trying to read a shopping list. This is intersected between a string of small, real-time decisions about aisles and product varieties, all whilst managing tone of voice and facial expressions at the checkout to appear “normal”.
Consider this in tandem with a full day of ordinary interactions and it becomes easier to see why a “typical” schedule can leave a neurodivergent person with nothing left by early afternoon, even on days that look unremarkable from the outside.
These experiences can also show up for neurotypical people in similar ways, including things like decision fatigue, emotional labour, cognitive overload and physical recovery.
Why Spoon Theory matters
Spoon theory positions our daily energy as finite. It highlights that energy is unevenly distributed, that it varies between individuals, and that it is largely invisible from the outside.
The metaphor of “spoonfuls of energy” is validating in that it shows us that our low energy or motivation is not a reflection of some kind of internal deficit. Instead, it helps us to see that, each day, we are working with a countable number of spoons, in environments that frequently demand a full cutlery drawer.
When we ignore our spoon count, or borrow spoons from tomorrow’s allotment, our body remembers. We may not notice straight away, but overdoing things without recovery time or mindfulness of our limits can lead to dire consequences in the form of burnout and even chronic fatigue. The more attuned we are to our spoons, the less often we're forced to pay for today with tomorrow's energy.
If Spoon Theory resonates with you, and you’d like to learn more, please feel free to book a fifteen minute free consult. The Felt Sense offers neuro-affirming therapy, which is a useful starting point in understanding our daily spoons and how to replenish our energy safely and with respect to unique neurodivergent needs. Find out more at thefeltsense.com.au.
